Secret: To Be Told Or Not

The story that was never talked about

The tale that has just stayed on my lips

The memory that still gives me cold feet

The one which makes my heart skip a beat

I shouldn’t stray again into those prohibited reminiscences

But this mirror reminds me of them each day

Loudly it says “go hide your face

You have brought enough of disgrace!”

My own reflection makes me feel ashamed

How trusting someone was a mistake

Every hour this guilt is a burden to bear

My heart howls a wordless cry of despair

I was told “it’s a little secret dear”

And I believed it as a game

Didn’t know what was behind that embrace

I wish memories could be rewritten or erased

They said “keep it under the wraps

Don’t you know men will remain men?”

It happens to many others like me

Neither you can fight nor can you flee

“You little girl, keep this incident to yourself

Your charm needs to be blamed

You are already seven

And thought sitting on uncle’s lap is a game?”

How can a victim bring dishonor to the family?

Her magnetism was talked about after the act

The men who abused were not treated like convicts

The blame is on the child who got tricked

It makes me feel outraged and disgusted

No female in the family raised her voice

May be worse could have happened with them

May be they too have been groped by these men

Or may be they were protecting family’s honor

One of the elderly women told my mother

“Men have to fulfill their secret desires

Why your girl provoked them with her modern attire?”

Everything about me was blamed

‘I’ insisted to play with uncles it was claimed

From my lacy frocks, to my chubby legs

My each body part was shamed

My school pals kept inquiring

What made me hate that cute boy ben?

It was tough to explain to them

I was mishandled by some big men

How those uncles were never proven wrong

What they did remained unexplained

The family said it’s not a punishable act

Rather I was the one who got framed

Whenever I look up at the glowering sky

Their hideous faces are hidden in the clouds

I feel they are rushing towards me to hold my wrist

How I wish they all simply did not exist

My own silence has shattered every inch of my life

I still stand paralyzed thinking about that day

The physical pain went with the years

But the mental abuse is here to stay

I have been contemplating each day since then

Are some secrets supposed to be confessed?

But will it remain a secret if told?

Will I ever name them; am I that bold?

Am I brave enough to unveil the devils?

Am I brave enough to face the truth?

Am I brave enough to confess it was a sexual assault?

Am I brave enough to accept it was not my fault?